The Way Back Home Read online

  “I finally tracked you down,” Keith said. “I’ve been trying your cell phone all day.”

  “I forgot to charge it. Sorry.”

  “You do that a lot lately, Alicia.”

  She did do that a lot—maybe because there were very few people she actually wanted to talk to. And the people she wanted to talk to didn’t call. “What’s up?”

  “I heard that it’s your birthday on Sunday. Something you neglected to mention. I’d like to take you out to dinner.”

  Another reason she’d been lazy about recharging her phone. “I appreciate the thought, but I’m not up for celebrating.”

  “Justin wants you to have a party.”

  “I know, but the thought of celebrating my birthday without Rob is unthinkable. I’d like to skip the day entirely.”

  “I understand. Here’s another thought. Why don’t I take Justin off your hands? The boys have been asking for a sleepover. Sunday night seems perfect.”

  “Really? It is a school night.”

  “I’ll get them to school, don’t worry. I want to do something for you, Alicia. And I can do that.”

  It would be nice not to have to pretend to be happy in front of her son. “That does sound tempting. Why don’t you and David come over for dinner tonight? We’ll make plans for the weekend. The Spring Festival starts on Saturday, and I know Justin and David are interested in entering some of the contests.” The sound of barking and yelling drew her attention away from the phone. “I’ve got to go. We’ll talk later, okay?”

  Hanging up the phone, she walked quickly out of the office, across the deck, and down the stairs. Her father was a few yards away, by an outcropping of rocks. Sadie was barking up a storm, and Justin—

  Adrenaline raced through her body. Justin was stretched out on his stomach on a large boulder, trying to snag his runaway boat from the river current.

  “Justin, get down!” she yelled, glaring at her father as she ran past him. “Why did you let him go up on the rocks? They’re unstable and off-limits.”

  “He got up there before I could stop him.”

  She doubted her father had even tried. His favorite line was “Boys should be boys.” “Get down, Justin,” she commanded. “You know you’re not supposed to be up there.”

  “We have to get the boat!” Justin yelled. “It’s Uncle Rob’s. We can’t lose it!”

  She saw the panic on his face and the fear that he would lose the last gift his uncle had given him.

  “I’ll get it,” she said decisively. “You climb down from there right now. And do it carefully.”

  She kicked off her shoes, rolled up her jeans to her knees, and grabbed the longest stick she could find, then waded into the river. Her heart skipped a beat as the cold water hit her feet, the current swirling around her ankles. She drew in a quick, sharp breath, unexpected fear shocking her into stillness. She knew how to swim. She knew this river like the back of her hand. There was nothing to be afraid of—but she couldn’t seem to move.

  She could hear Justin yelling at her that the boat was getting away. Sadie barked even louder. Her father was shouting something, but nothing was clear beyond the pounding of her heart. She hadn’t been in the river since that day six months earlier, that day she’d gone under again and again and again, struggling to find a foothold, something to grab on to—

  A sudden splash next to her brought her head around. A man was wading into the river, heading straight toward Justin’s boat. The water was up to his waist by the time he reached the boat. He grabbed it, half walking, half swimming his way back to shore. When he reached her, he grabbed her by the arm, and she was shocked again, this time by the strength of his grip.

  Gazing into his dark eyes, her heart skipped another beat. His thick curly brown hair, rough-edged features, strong jaw, dark eyes, and five o’clock shadow were very familiar. Gabe Ryder.

  She’d been expecting him to come ever since Rob’s death. She’d rehearsed over and over the things she wanted to say to him, the questions she wanted to ask. Now that he was here, she couldn’t speak.

  “Let’s go,” he said, dragging her toward the shore.

  Under his grip, she stumbled onto the bank. As soon as her feet hit solid ground, she yanked her arm away. “What are you doing?” she demanded.

  “Saving you,” he said.

  “I didn’t need saving. I was fine.”

  “You didn’t look fine.”

  Justin came running over, her father and the dog not far behind.

  “Is this yours?” Gabe asked, handing Justin the boat.

  “You got it,” Justin said with reverence. “Thank you.”

  “Good job,” her father said approvingly. “Didn’t think Alicia was going to make it out there in time.”

  “I was just about to go after it,” she protested, hating that they’d seen her momentary hesitation. Her dad had always been tough on her, treating her like a son instead of a daughter. Be tough, be strong, don’t cry, he’d always told her. Today she hadn’t been as strong as she’d needed to be, and it infuriated her. “Where the hell did you come from, anyway?” she demanded.

  “Your house,” Gabe said. “I rang the bell, but no one answered. I heard voices and the dog barking, so I came down here.”

  “I mean, why are you here now? The funeral was three weeks ago.”

  “I’m sorry I missed it,” he said. “It was unavoidable.”

  “Alicia,” her father interrupted, a quizzical look in his eyes. “Why don’t you introduce us?”

  “You’ve met him before,” she snapped. “This is Gabe Ryder, Rob’s best friend. The man who was supposed to be watching his back. The man who let Rob get killed.”

  Gabe paled under his dark tan, but he didn’t deny her words. Instead, he turned to her father. “Mr. Hayden, I’m so sorry for your loss.”

  “I remember you now, of course,” her father said with a contemplative nod. “You spent Christmas with us a few years ago. I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you.”

  “Not a problem. It’s good to see you again.”

  “Rob spoke very highly of you,” George continued. “I think your name came up in just about every e-mail.”

  “Rob was a great guy, the best,” Gabe said. Turning to Justin, he added, “I don’t know if you remember me, Justin. You were a lot shorter when I saw you last.”

  Justin gave Gabe an uncertain look. “I kind of remember you. How come you let Uncle Rob die if you were his friend?”

  An awkward silence followed his question. For a moment, Alicia regretted her impulsive comment, but she couldn’t take it back. She didn’t want to take it back. She did hold Gabe responsible. He’d promised to watch out for her brother.

  “I’m sure it wasn’t like that,” her father cut in. “Come on up to the house, Gabe. We’ll throw those wet clothes in the dryer and get you something dry to wear. You can stay for dinner. We’ll catch up.”

  “I don’t need clothes or a meal,” Gabe said.

  Her father waved off Gabe’s protest. “Any friend of Rob’s is a friend of ours.” He gave Alicia a pointed look, then turned to Justin. “Come along, now, Justin. You can help me up the steps.”

  As her father and Justin started up the hill toward the house, Sadie following close behind, Alicia gave Gabe a long look. He returned her stare with one of his own, his eyes dark and unreadable. She’d never been able to tell what he was thinking, and today was no different.

  “So why didn’t you come to the funeral?” she finally asked.

  “I had to take one of the other men in our unit home. He was injured in the same firefight that took Rob’s life. He spent some time in the hospital, and I didn’t want to leave him alone there.”

  “So that guy was injured, and Rob was killed, but you, you’re fine.” Anger filled her. She’d wanted to scream at someone about the injustice of her brother’s death, and Gabe was the perfect target. “How did you escape?”

  He swallowed hard. “I don’t know,
Alicia. Believe me, I wish Rob was here instead of me.”

  “I don’t believe you,” she said, shaking her head, tears burning her eyes. “You promised me you’d watch out for him. You stood right up there, on our porch,” she added, pointing toward the house, “and you told me you’d make sure he came home. Remember?”

  “I remember everything about that day,” he said, his jaw tight, pain in his eyes.

  A shiver ran down her spine. Their last conversation had not been solely about Rob.

  “And I don’t need you to tell me that I failed Rob. I know that,” he continued.

  She felt a flash of guilt. It wasn’t fair to blame Gabe, but she had no one else. The enemy that had taken Rob’s life was nameless and faceless. The Marine Corps wouldn’t tell her exactly what had happened, only that her brother had been a hero and she should be proud of his service. But that wasn’t good enough.

  “You need to tell me how Rob died,” she said.

  Gabe immediately shook his head. “I can’t.”

  “Yes, you can. You have to.”

  “It’s classified.”

  “I don’t care. He’s my brother, my twin brother. I should know the truth.” Another wave of guilt hit her. “I should have known that he was in trouble. I always had feelings when Rob was in danger. We had that special twin connection, but I didn’t sense anything that day. Why didn’t I know?”

  “We were on the other side of the world.”

  “That shouldn’t have mattered.”

  He gave her a long look. “Rob wouldn’t have wanted you to know what he was going through. Maybe he found a way to block the twin thing.”

  “You’re not going to tell me anything, are you?”

  He stared back at her with what looked like regret. “No.”

  “Then you should go. You’ve paid your respects. Now you can leave.”

  “I can’t go—not yet. I made a promise to your brother.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “In the month before he died, Rob talked a lot about coming home and helping you and your father save your business. He was worried about all of you after your rafting accident. He was counting the days until he could get back here. He loved you all a great deal.”

  Tears blurred her eyes. “I know that. Rob always took duty seriously, even before he went into the Marines.”

  “He asked me to come in his place, to help you.”

  She stiffened. “I told you before, I don’t need your help.”

  “Don’t you?” His gaze settled on her face, a thoughtful expression in his eyes. “Something happened to you in the river just now. You froze.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  “I know what fear looks like, Alicia.”

  “I’m not afraid of the river. I grew up on it.”

  “And last year, you almost drowned.”

  “I never told Rob that.”

  “Then someone else did. Maybe your father.”

  “I never told him exactly what happened, and he was too busy fighting for his own life to really understand what I’d gone through.” She saw the sudden spark in his eyes that told her she’d revealed too much. “Anyway, I’m fine. My father is getting better, and we’re moving on.”

  “You need help. I made Rob a promise, and I’m going to keep it.”

  “Consider your promise fulfilled; you saved Justin’s boat. Now you can go home.”

  “I am home.” Gabe pulled out a set of keys, very familiar keys.

  Her stomach turned over. He had Rob’s key ring. “No way,” she said, shaking her head. “You are not moving into Rob’s house.”

  “My house. He gave it to me.”

  She was truly shocked. The property next door had been in the family for generations. “I don’t believe you. Rob’s house was built by my great-grandfather. Rob wouldn’t give it to you.”

  “I have a letter from him explaining everything.”

  “No. There’s a mistake. If you think I’m letting you move into Rob’s house, into his life, you are crazy.”

  “And if you think I’m going to walk away before I’ve done what I came to do, then you’re the one who’s crazy,” he said, his gaze hard and unyielding.

  “You’re not wanted here, Gabe.”

  “That’s not what you said the last time I was here.”

  She swallowed back a knot of emotion at the memory of that cold winter day, the Christmas tree still up in the living room, the mistletoe hanging over the door, the cozy fire where she and Gabe had kept each other warm. “That was three years ago, one week of madness, and you made it clear when you left that whatever we had was over.” Unfortunately, it had taken her a long time to really believe that.

  He gazed back at her for a long minute. “I know what I said, Alicia. But that’s in the past. I’m here now, and I’m not leaving.” He turned and started walking up the hill.

  “So you’re going to save me?” she called out after him.

  “Yes,” he said, pausing to give her a quick look.

  “And who’s going to save me from you?”

  His chest rose with his swift intake of breath, and then he turned and walked away.

  She hated his confident stride, his arrogant attitude, but she couldn’t quite hate him even though she wanted to.

  Turning her gaze to the river, she drew in long, deep breaths, but they did nothing to slow the rapid beating of her heart. She’d been drawn to Gabe from the first minute she’d seen him, attracted to his dark hair and darker eyes. Her brother had warned her that she should stay away, that Gabe came with far too many rough edges, that he could hurt a woman without even trying. But she’d sensed in Gabe a need to be softened, to be loved, not that he’d ever admitted that need, not that he’d ever let her get close enough to love him. He’d kept her at arm’s length, telling her that she was Rob’s sister and as far as he was concerned, that made her untouchable, except for one hot, reckless night—a night she’d never forgotten.

  She shook off the memory. They were different people now. And she didn’t need his help. Well, okay, that wasn’t exactly true. Her gaze swept across the yard, noting the rafts in need of repair, the peeling paint on the building, the broken planks on the pier. They did need help, just not Gabe’s. He didn’t understand their business. It would have been different with Rob. Her brother had known everyone in town. People respected him, adored him. He would have been able to help them get back on their feet. But Gabe … What did he know how to do, except fight?

  Gabe wiped his hands on a towel as he stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. George had handed him a pair of navy-blue sweats to wear while his jeans were drying and told him he’d have a drink waiting for him when he finished changing. He didn’t know why Rob’s father was being so welcoming; Alicia’s anger was a lot easier to take.

  He understood her feelings, and she couldn’t possibly blame him more than he blamed himself. Over and over in his mind, he’d relived the minutes of that horrific day. He could still feel the sweltering desert heat, the beads of sweat under his helmet; still hear the screeching of tires, the rocking blast; still see the sudden burst of flame and the shocked look in Rob’s eyes as he sank to the ground. Chaos and panic had followed, and so much blood …

  He splashed some cold water on his face, driving the memory away. In the dark of the night, the images would come back, but he’d be alone then. He wouldn’t have to hold it together in front of Alicia or her family. By morning, he’d have his game face back on.

  Staring at his face in the mirror, he saw the new scars along his hairline and one across his lower jaw. He felt the ache in his ribs that had been fractured by shrapnel. But none of those pains compared with the loss of his friend. For six years, they’d lived together, worked together, laughed together. That was over now.

  Folding the towel over the rack, he told himself to stop stalling. He couldn’t hide in the bathroom forever.

  He’d known it wouldn’t be easy to come here, bu
t he hadn’t realized just how difficult it would be, not just because of Rob but also because of Alicia. It had taken him a long time to get past the night they never should have had. For three years, he’d tried not to listen when Rob talked about her, made sure he was somewhere else when Rob and Alicia were video-chatting, and skimmed past photos that had her in them. But he’d never been able to get her out of his head.

  And now she was back in glorious color, her golden hair, eyes the color of a morning sky, soft, full lips.

  Damn! He needed to get a grip. She might be more beautiful than he remembered, but she was also angrier. She hated him, and that was probably a good thing. He hadn’t been the man for her three years ago, and he certainly wasn’t that man today. He needed a barrier, and hate was a good one.

  After opening the door, he walked down the hall to the family room. The kitchen was just beyond a decorative archway. He could see Alicia busy at the stove. Her movements were efficient but a little jerky, as if she was still pissed off that she had to cook for him. Or maybe she was annoyed because he’d seen her fear. She had looked at the swirling water around her knees as if it were a monster trying to take her down. The accident must have been worse than Rob knew.

  “There’s your beer,” George said, motioning toward the bottle on the coffee table.

  “Thanks.” He sat down on the couch while George kicked his feet up on the recliner. The local news was on the television. It was a totally normal scene, and yet it felt so strange. He’d spent half his childhood in homeless shelters or sleeping on friends’ couches and the next decade in barracks and mess tents, where danger lurked around every corner, where letting down your guard could get you killed. When he’d taken leave, he’d gone to vacation spots with friends. He hadn’t spent much time at all in a normal house like this one, waiting for the family dinner. He was completely out of his element.

  He’d felt that way the last time he was here, when Rob had forced him to come home with him for Christmas. This room had been decorated to the hilt then, with a huge Christmas tree in the corner, a model train running around under it, Santas and snowmen and sleighs taking up every available shelf, a garland of Christmas cards strung over the fireplace. Rob had joked about how Alicia went Christmas crazy, and he hadn’t been lying. It had been the best Christmas of his life. Unfortunately, New Year’s hadn’t been nearly as good.