The Way Back Home Read online

  “You managed.”

  “Yes, I did.” She cast a quick glance down the hall to make sure that Justin was not within earshot. “And I have never regretted one second of it. I love that kid more than anyone else in this world. Lately, he’s been asking a lot of questions about his dad and why he isn’t here, and it’s not easy to answer him.”

  “The truth works the best.”

  “Even when the truth hurts?”

  “It’s better than a lie.”

  There was something in his eyes that told her he knew what he was talking about. “I don’t think I know much about your family, Gabe.”

  “My parents are gone. No siblings. Just me.” He grabbed two pieces of bread and put them in the toaster. “Do you have any butter?”

  She took margarine out of the fridge. “That was succinct.”

  “You asked. I answered.”

  “No, you didn’t,” she said, turning her attention back to the stove.

  Gabe didn’t comment, and she decided not to push. Getting to know Gabe better wasn’t part of the plan. She finished scrambling the eggs while Gabe made the toast and then set everything on the table just as Justin returned.

  Gabe brought over the toast and stared down at breakfast in amazement. “This looks incredible,” he said. “No wonder Rob put you in charge of breakfast.”

  “There are too many vegetables,” Justin complained as he picked his way around some spinach.

  “They’re good for you,” she told him.

  “Uncle Rob said he used to give his vegetables to Bonnie,” Justin said.

  She smiled at the memory. “Bonnie was our dog when Rob and I were kids,” she told Gabe.

  “Do you have a dog?” Justin asked Gabe.

  “Nope,” Gabe answered. “I wanted one when I was about your age, but it didn’t work out.”

  “How come? Wouldn’t your parents let you have one?”

  “My parents weren’t around when I was growing up. I stayed with relatives and friends most of the time.”

  Alicia sipped her orange juice. That was a longer answer than she’d gotten.

  “My dad isn’t around, either,” Justin volunteered. “He’s in a band, and he plays all over the world. He’s really good. He sent me a guitar, and he said he’s going to teach me how to play it.” Justin shot her a look, as if daring her to contradict him.

  “Justin, a little less talking, a little more eating,” she said. She didn’t want to fight with him about his dad. She wanted Connor to keep his promises to Justin, too; it just didn’t usually happen that way.

  “You never want to talk about Dad,” he complained, pushing his plate away. “No wonder he doesn’t want to come home.”

  His harsh words hurt, but she knew it wasn’t really her he was mad at.

  “I’m done,” Justin added.

  “Then take your plate to the sink, and go brush your teeth.”

  “You okay?” Gabe asked as Justin left the room. “He was kind of rough on you.”

  “His dad’s absence is becoming a sore point, and as much as I want to make things right for him, I can’t.”

  “You have a lot on your plate right now. Your dad, Justin, the business. Why so stubborn about taking a little help from me?”

  “I have someone else in my life now, someone I can count on.” She got to her feet and took their empty plates to the sink. She wasn’t aware that Gabe had followed until she turned around and bumped into him. Her pulse leaped at the brief contact. “You move very quietly.”

  “A well-developed skill. Give me a chance, Alicia.”

  “To do what?” she asked, very conscious of how close they were standing and that with the sink at her back, she had nowhere to go.

  “To prove that you can count on me, too.”

  “You’re just going to leave again. That’s what you do. What you’re good at.”

  “It’s what I’ve always had to do,” he said. “That’s why I got good at it.”

  “The last time you were here, you didn’t even say good-bye, Gabe. You were just gone. You owed me more than that.”

  Shadows filled his eyes. “This isn’t going to be like the last time.”

  “No, it’s not. I have to clean up, take Justin to school, and go check out some rafts. Please move.”

  He didn’t budge. “Not until you agree to take me with you. I promised Rob.”

  She was fighting a losing battle, and she didn’t have enough energy to get into a war with Gabe. She had too many other people to fight. “Fine, you can go into town with me. But right now, you have to get out of my way.”

  He was making progress, Gabe thought as he got into the car with Alicia and Justin. It was a small step but an important one. She still had her guard walls up, but he’d seen a crack here and there. Not that it was her guard walls he should be worried about; it was his own.

  Alicia had been the dream he’d walked away from. When he’d met her three years earlier, he’d been captivated by her sparkle. She was fun, energetic, a whirlwind of laughter and beauty. The fact that she was Rob’s sister had kept him in check for a while, but Alicia had been hard to resist. He’d never felt so drawn to a woman, so caught up in lust that he was thinking about her every second of every day. It had scared the shit out of him. Alicia was a single mother. She needed a man who could be a husband and a father, and he hadn’t known if he could be either. He still didn’t.

  “I’ll pick you up and take you and David home today,” Alicia reminded Justin as she pulled up in front of the school.

  “I know. ’Bye, Mom. ’Bye, Gabe.”

  Justin gave him a casual wave and a smile that reminded him so much of Rob. He turned away from Alicia to catch her watching him. “He’s a mini-Rob,” he said.

  She nodded. “It’s bittersweet, isn’t it?” Her gaze followed Justin all the way into the school. Then she cleared her throat. “Onward.”

  As she pulled away from the curb, he said, “There’s something I’m curious about. Why did Rob have the house? You have a child. It seems like you’re the one who would need the space.”

  “The house always goes to the oldest male; my greatgrandfather instigated that rule. In case you hadn’t noticed, the Haydens are big on male traditions.”

  “That must piss you off.”

  “On occasion,” she said. “But I love my dad, and I adored Rob, and it was fine that he had the house. It was easier for me to have my dad around when Justin was a baby. He helped out a lot, and I’ll always be grateful to him for that. Anyway, Justin was another reason Rob needed his own place, for girls and stuff, you know.”

  He smiled. “Got it.”

  As they drew closer to town, he was amazed by how different her world was from the one he’d been living in. They drove by thick, towering redwood trees, open meadows, and farmland. As they neared the town of River Rock, there was a huge banner announcing the upcoming spring music festival strung between two light poles at the entrance to Main Street. While there were a few newly remodeled buildings in the downtown area, the buildings reminded him of some of the Westerns he’d watched as a kid.

  “I feel like I’ve stepped back in time,” he murmured.

  Alicia gave him a quick smile. “The town was built during the Gold Rush of the eighteen-fifties. The bank over there has photographs of the gold miners and some of the first gold millionaires. The courthouse is also original, although they put on a new roof last year. Oh, and there’s Mullaney’s,” she said, pointing down a side street. “It was one of River Rock’s first saloons, and it’s the center of a big spring music festival every year. The music scene has really been growing. There are two new clubs on the other side of town by the old mill, with live music near the river. A new housing development is also going up about five miles south of here. We’re not as small a town as we used to be.” She waved her hand toward Burt’s Diner. “I used to work at Burt’s in high school.”

  “I remember. You took me there for chili cheese fries.”


  Her smile faded. “That’s right. I forgot about that. You’ve seen all this before.”

  “Not without garlands and Christmas trees and a Santa on every corner. The last time I was here, it was a winter wonderland.”

  She nodded. “We don’t get a lot of snow, but that year we had more than usual. Holidays are big around here. There’s not a lot to do, so we celebrate every event we can.”

  “Do you ever get bored living so far from a big city, Alicia?”

  “I’ve never lived anywhere else. This is home.”

  “And you’ve never wanted to live anywhere else?”

  She thought for a moment. “I’ve considered it. I’ve spent time in Sacramento, San Francisco, made it up to Portland and Seattle, and I must admit I enjoyed the city life. But I was always happy to come back. I never had the kind of wanderlust that Rob had or the opportunity. I was going to go away to school after two years at the community college, but when I got pregnant, my plans changed.” She paused. “You’ve been a lot of places, haven’t you?”

  “All over the world—wherever the Marine Corps sent me.”

  “Rob loved the travel, even when the places he was being sent were dangerous.”

  “Yeah, he loved talking to the locals. Wherever we went, within twenty-four hours, he had a bunch of new friends.”

  “It’s funny that you two became friends. You’re so different. Rob was outgoing and never stopped talking, and you’re much quieter—darker,” she said, shooting him a thoughtful look.

  He wasn’t surprised by her description. There was a darkness inside him that he couldn’t seem to shake. “We were different, but we respected each other.”

  Alicia pulled into a parking spot in the lot next to the hardware store and shut off the engine. He was about to get out when he realized that she wasn’t moving. “What’s wrong?”

  Her jaw tightened, a steel glint of determination coming into her eyes. “Nothing. I can do this.”

  Whatever battle she was fighting with herself was clearly a private one, so he got out of the car and waited for her to join him.

  Once she got out, she moved quickly through the double doors of Bill’s Hardware and up to the counter, where an older man with glasses and gray hair was helping a customer.

  As the woman finished her transaction, she gave Alicia a hard look.

  “Hello, Mrs. Isler,” Alicia said.

  The woman gave Alicia an indecipherable “hmph” and walked away.

  “Don’t mind her,” the older man said. “She hasn’t been in a good mood in twenty years.”

  “Bill,” Alicia said, “this is Gabe Ryder. He was a friend of Rob’s.”

  “Nice to meet you,” Bill said, extending his hand with a warm smile. “I knew Rob from the day he was born. Never met a finer young man. You served with him?”

  “For the last six years,” Gabe replied.

  “So, my dad said the Pioneer rafts were in,” Alicia interjected.

  “They came in yesterday. I got a good deal for you,” Bill said with a nod.

  “That’s great,” she said. “Usually, the good rates only go to the bulk orders.”

  “A friend of mine hooked me up. He’s disgusted with the way the sporting conglomerates are taking over the mom-and-pop shops. He doesn’t like dealing with Wild River Tours. He says all they talk about is global domination of the world’s rivers. It’s about the money for them. They don’t love the river the way we do.” Bill stroked his jaw. “I heard Chelsea signed on with them, though.”

  “Yes, she joined up at the end of last year after the accident, and I guess they talked her into coming back.”

  “Damn shame. She was one of your most popular guides. But you still have Simon, right?”

  “I hope so. He’s a little hard to track down. He’s in South America right now.”

  “He’ll be back. I’ll get the rafts for you.”

  “Thanks.”

  As Bill disappeared into the back of the store, the front door opened, and a slender woman walked in. She wore black jeans and a white T-shirt under a short gray jacket. Her dark brown hair was short and curly, her eyes dark brown. She stopped abruptly when she saw them.

  Alicia stiffened, too. There was about four feet between them, and every inch sizzled with tension.

  Finally, Alicia said, “Kelly. You’re back.”

  “Yes, I got in yesterday. My mom is having hip surgery next week.”

  “I heard that. I hope she’ll be all right.”

  “She’ll be fine.” Kelly drew in a breath. “Where’s Bill?”

  “He’s in the back, getting our …” Alicia’s voice trailed away.

  Kelly’s gaze narrowed. “Getting your what? Rafting equipment? My mother said you’re planning to open again.”

  “Yes, we are.”

  “I can’t believe it,” Kelly said, shaking her head, anger flashing in her eyes.

  “Kelly—” Alicia began.

  “No,” Kelly said, putting up a firm hand. “I don’t want to hear anything you have to say.” Turning on her heel, she left the store, letting the door bang behind her.

  Alicia put out a hand to the nearby counter, her face white as she stared out the window. “I can’t believe she came home.”

  “Kelly?” Gabe said, a little confused by what had just happened. “Isn’t that the name of your best friend?”

  She stared at him in bemusement as if she’d forgotten he was there. “Former best friend, yes.”

  “What did I miss?” he asked, searching her face.

  “Kelly’s fiancé died on our river trip last year.”

  Her words shocked him. “I had no idea. Rob didn’t tell me that.”

  “It was a bachelor party for Brian and his friends. Brian and Kelly were supposed to get married three weeks later. I was going to be the maid of honor. We had the dresses, the church was scheduled, the reception was planned. Kelly left town right after Brian’s funeral. She wouldn’t speak to me. I didn’t think I would ever see her again.”

  “I’m sorry, Alicia.”

  “She blames me for Brian’s death. A lot of people do.” She stopped talking as Bill came out of the back room, wheeling a large carton.

  “Here you go. The latest and the best in white-water design,” Bill said. “Your dad is going to love these rafts.”

  “Well, I’m not sure my dad is going to be on one of them.”

  “He’ll be out there. No one will be able to stop him. Your father is a force of nature.”

  “We’ll see. He’s not in as good a shape as he makes himself out to be.”

  “I know he’s still recovering, and he may not be ready for this season, but your father has the strongest will of anyone I’ve ever known. When he says he’ll be out on the river again, I believe him.”

  “Wishes don’t always come true,” she said flatly.

  “I’ll take this out to the car,” Gabe said, grabbing the dolly from Bill.

  “Just leave it by the back door,” Bill said.

  “I’ll be right out after I settle up with Bill,” Alicia said.

  Gabe stowed the box in the back of Alicia’s SUV and returned the dolly to the side of the building. As he moved back across the lot, he saw Kelly standing across the street in front of a realty office, and she wasn’t alone. She seemed to be having a rather intense conversation with a man. Their focus shifted, however, when Alicia walked out of the hardware store. Alicia saw them, her step faltered for a moment, and then she moved quickly to the car, sliding in behind the wheel.

  “Who was that guy with Kelly?” he asked as he got into the car and she started the engine.

  “Brian’s brother, Russell Farr. He works across the street.”

  “Was he on the trip?”

  “Yes, he was on my father’s raft. They were in the lead when they flipped. Russell was the one who pulled my father out of the river. He had no idea that his brother was missing …”

  “Okay, you’re going to have to tell
me the story,” Gabe said when she fell silent. “I need to know what happened that day.”

  “Why?”

  “So I can help you. Obviously, getting your business up and running isn’t just about buying rafts. You’ve got a huge image problem.”

  “You think?” she asked sarcastically.

  “How many people blame you for the accident?”

  “A lot.”

  “We’re going to have to change their minds.”

  She pulled out of the parking lot. “Maybe we shouldn’t try to change their minds.”

  “Why not? Because you don’t want to go back out on the river?”

  “Because maybe the accident was my fault.”

  “Then that’s the first thing we have to figure out. Take me someplace where we can talk without being interrupted.”

  “What makes you think I want to talk to you?”

  He shrugged. “You may not want to talk to me, but you need to talk to someone, and I’m here. I won’t bullshit you, Alicia. If I think you did something wrong, I’ll tell you.”

  She shot him a dark look. “Fine, but that works both ways, and I’m not going to be the only one doing the talking.”

  Four

  Kelly stared down the street as Alicia’s SUV disappeared around the corner. Her stomach was churning, and she felt as if she was about to throw up. Only back in town for twenty-fours hours, and she already wanted to run. She’d known that seeing Alicia again would be tough, but she hadn’t expected to feel so shaken.

  “You need to stay away from her,” Russell said. “You can’t let yourself get sucked back into a friendship with her.”

  “That’s not going to happen,” she said, turning her attention back to Russell. A thirty-three-year-old real estate broker, Russell had been devastated by his brother’s death. It had been his idea to do the river-rafting trip for Brian’s bachelor party, and she doubted he’d ever be able to forgive himself for that decision.

  “Are you sure about that? You were best friends. She was going to be your maid of honor.”

  “You don’t have to remind me. I knew I’d run into her, but I didn’t think it would be so soon. She said she was picking up a raft, probably to replace the one …” Her stomach flipped over again, her mind flashing back to the horrible summer day that had changed her life forever. She’d been picking out wedding flowers with her mom when Russell had called, his voice filled with anger, grief, and disbelief. Brian had gone overboard, and no one could find him. For twenty-four hours, she’d held her breath, praying for a miracle, but a miracle hadn’t come.